Grief Blanket Update

Well, I made a valiant effort. But the time has come to concede–I no longer have the physical capability to make this blanket.

I struggled through a couple of stripes that involved a lot of decreases, which are just really hard for me to do on these triangular, high-friction needles that I have to use for the sake of my hands. I made a ton of mistakes, which is unusual for me, and the patterns came out looking terrible. And my hands hurt. And wrestling with the yarn was neither soothing nor fun, which was the whole stupid point in the first place. It’s a bit of a shame, because in my heyday I would have loved the challenge of making this blanket, and it would have come out flawless. Alas, that’s no longer the life I’m living.

I understand now why people took rest cures.

However, I still have all the yarn, so I decided to switch to a pattern I’ve done before and know I’ll enjoy: this Two of Wands Harvest Throw blanket from lion brand. I made this pattern a year or two ago. It’s a pleasant knit-purl pattern–no difficult decreases, twists, cables, or anything else that puts too much pressure on my hands–and I must say that I was very proud of how mine came out. It looks like it could have been made by a machine.

So the new incarnation of the grief blanket is going to be this pattern, but striped. Here’s the progress so far, and my hands feel so much better:

Meanwhile, how’s the grief? It sucks. I’m exhausted, my whole body hurts because I’m not taking care of myself, and now that I’ve soldiered through the initial shock it’s just start to hit me that she’s gone. Meanwhile I’ve been up to my ears in funeral arragements, probate, and all the messy paperwork of a life abruptly interrupted.

I understand now why people took rest cures. Nothing sounds as good to me as going to a country asylum somewhere, where no one asks me to solve any problems or can reach me at all, and the doctors order me to sit in a rocking chair, look at the sea, and not think about anything.