VM Ranked - S1E14

Veronica learns the hard lesson that just because you like a guy doesn’t mean he’s not a sexual predator.

Characters (+2)

• Logan (+1)
• Cliff (+1)

Guest Stars (+2)

• Leighton Meester as Carrie Bishop(+1) I don’t personally care about this one, because I didn’t watch Gossip Girl and I don’t think she’s terribly good as Carrie Bishop, but other people seem excited
• Adam Scott as Mr. Rooks (+1)

Story Quality 4/5

Veronica’s favorite teacher - possibly the only teacher she likes - is accused of having a sexual relationship with one of his students. Veronica is sure it’s a lie, not only because she likes Mr. Rooks, but because she hates the accuser, Carrie Bishop, because one time she overheard Carrie Bishop gossiping about her and Duncan (mostly Duncan) in a bathroom. She promises Mr. Rooks she’ll clear his name, but it turns out that Keith has been hired by Carrie’s parents, so now they’re at odds. And Veronica, being smarter than everybody, proves that Carrie Bishop is lying. But then she realizes that that’s because Carrie was accusing him on behalf of her best friend Susan Knight, who did have a sexual relationship with him and is currently pregnant with his baby, but didn’t want to come forward. Unfortunately she simultaneously realizes that she’s Mr. Rook’s next target. Veronica has to eat a lot of crow. And Mr. Rooks loses his job after all, once Susan comes forward. The Mr. Rooks storyline is probably only a 4 on its own. Fun fact: three characters in this episode are named after chess pieces!

Plot Relevance 5/5

Veronica is determined to find out what Duncan’s mystery illness is, so she finds out who his doctor is and sets up an appointment for the end of the day so that she can sneakily stay in the office after it’s closed and go through their records. Turns out he has “type four epilepsy,” which is not actually a thing. Conveniently for our plot, it causes hysteria, blackouts, and violent behavior. So Carrie Bishop was telling the truth about Duncan being hauled into the ER screaming Veronica’s name last year!

Logan is convinced that his mother is still alive and has hired Veronica to help him find her. They follow a couple red herrings - one woman who claims she witnessed Lynn’s jump but turns out just to be looking for money and attention, and another who claims she saw Lynn get into a van and drive away but turns out to be crazy. Weevil learns that some freshman who were making a movie inadvertently wound up with footage of Lynne’s plunge, which seems definitive, but then there’s a hit on Lynne’s credit card. (Note: The freshman’s movie will be relevant in season 2.)

Iconic Lines (+6)

• If she was really going to do the deed, it’d be chardonnay and sleeping pills. She wouldn’t risk being found bug-eyed and bloated in some shrimp net. This is both a terrible thing to say about your mother and 100% valid.
• I could write down that I met Kid Rock every weekend at the Hedonism Lodge for sensual massage and smoothies, but that doesn’t make it true.
• What, did he lose a puka shell? - Weevil on Logan’s sad face.
• Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, ‘cause I sure know where I’d like to put it!
• Veronica: Are you patronizing me?
  Keith: To be fair, I am your patron.
• Weevil, finding Veronica staring into the trophy case: If you’re looking for my trophy, it’s back by auto shop.
  Veronica: A lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hubcaps?
  Weevil: Is this 1970? Rims, baby.
  Veronica: So, you got at trophy for a rim job?
  Even Weevil knows she got him on that one.

Cringe (-1)

• Wow, you must have a gay friend. - Veronica upon seeing Mr. Rooks (a divorced man) has some actual decor in his house. Way to stereotype both gay men and straight men in one sentence, Veronica. (Mr. Rooks’s comeback is pretty funny though: “I just replicated a page in the Z Gallery catalog.”)

Outfit of the Episode

Army green sweater with pink and yellow argyle down the sleeve and nowhere else, worn, of course, with extremely flared jeans.

Song of the Episode

Worried About You by The Rolling Stones. This is the song that twigs Veronica onto Mr. Rooks seduction scheme, having been informed by Carrie that his “mood music” is side two of the album Tattoo You. It is, indeed, the first song on side two.

Anachronistic Reference of the Episode

Don’t Stand So Close To Me This may be one of the most egregious ones ever. You’re telling me that three girls, who are probably about 17 years old in the year 2005 - which means they were born in 1998 - know all all of the lyrics - verse and chorus - to a song from 1980? Sure, Don’t Stand So Close to Me was one of The Police’s biggest hits - peaking at number 10 on Billboard’s Hot 100 - but it’s from eighteen years before they were born. That’s like me knowing all the words to The Twist by Chubby Checker. I know exactly two lines of the chorus of that song. (I haven’t even heard of the other 9 songs in the top 10 of 1960.)