VM Ranked - S1E15

Buckle up, it’s time for a Total Eclipse of the Heart!

Characters (+1)

Logan (+1)

Guest Stars (+1)

Allison Hannigan as Logan’s half-sister Katrina (+1)

Story Quality: 5/5

There’s another school dance, this time with a 1980s theme that everyone takes so seriously it basically becomes a cosplay convention. (Meg: Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink; Duncan: Ducky from same; Veronica: early Madonna; Leo: Mama Vice (lol); Logan: Tom Cruise in Risky Business, including pantslessness.) But first, Meg has a secret admirer and wants Veronica to help her figure out who it is, and a Russian internet bride wants Mars Investigations to help her find the man she jilted. (Side note: there’s a banner in the background of one shot that has the band names “Van Halen” and “Erasure” on it, but I read it as “Van Halen Erasure,” as in How dare you? This is Van Halen erasure!)

Said admirer texted Meg the message “U R kewl” which, vomit. Is it the meathead Kaz, who dumps beer on Meg at a party, or the “moony, if you know what I mean” (I do not) Martin? Honestly, Martin seems fine, and about a million times better than Kaz, but whatever “moony” means I guess it’s bad. Honestly it’s just a text message, seems like it could be anybody. And turns out I’m right, because it’s Duncan.

Veronica has to take the high road and help Meg hook up with her ex-boyfriend-possibly-brother. (Of course Duncan is the kind of guy who texts “U R kewl.”) It’s okay though because Meg has arranged for Leo to show up at the dance for Veronica! And they kiss.

Then drunk and pantless Logan crashes the party, yelling at everyone to WANG CHUNG TONIGHT! Our Veronica is on the verge of ditching Leo to take Logan home, which should tell you (and Leo) something right there; but Katrina shows up to retrieve him. At that exact moment, Veronica receives one of the “prank” phone calls she’s been getting. Leo helps her realize that it was coming from her mother, currently in a bar in Bristow. Then she ditches him.

On the Russian front, Veronica has to track down a man who has changed his name from Tom Cruz to something unknown, supposedly to distinguish himself from Tom Cruise so that he could become an LA actor. Using a photo of a dog (plus exploiting Leo some more) Veronica manages to track the guy down. But Keith notices that he’s being tailed by some grim looking underworld types, and stops Veronica from giving Tom Cruz’s address to the Russian bride because surprise! Tom Cruz is actually in witness protection and the Russian isn’t his fiancée at all, she’s the sister of some Russian gangsters Tom turned state’s evidence against. Veronica and Keith play a fast one, get the drop on the Ruskies (by sending them to the address of the model home at which Kaz threw his house party, a nice touch) and the day is saved.

Plot relevance (5/5)

This episode has some truly excellent Logan development, which has nothing to do with Lilly’s murder, but I consider any Logan development to be Main Plotline. We’ve seen him realize he’s the bad guy and start to pull it back a little. Here we see him crack wide open. He’s ready to be redeemed!

One of Lynne’s credit cards—the only one in her maiden name—has been getting hits on it, first for a red convertible rental and then for a penthouse suite at a fancy LA hotel. These are very Lynne Echolls expenses. In order to figure out what suite she’s in, Veronica and Logan masquerade as an engaged couple looking for a wedding suite, complete with a froofy wedding scrapbook, which is hilarious but fails to get them into the suite in question. Logan decides to camp out in the lobby instead.

Finally - Veronica’s mysterious hang-up calls turn out to be from her mother, calling from a payphone in Barstow!!! She immediately ditches Leo to go find Leanne. Even though it’s the next morning by the time Veronica gets there, Leanne’s blotto. And Veronica isn’t the only one who’s tracked her down. We get a brief glance of Clarence Wheedman in the mirror, so we know we’re about to get a lot of plot movement in the next episode.

Iconic lines (+6)

• Hey, you’re on the basketball team, right?.
  You obviously haven’t seen us play. I am the basketball team.
• You can B your own FF.
• This is Logan, with today’s inspirational message: The future belongs to those with courage to believe in their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt. I love Logan’s inspirational message of the day voicemail.
• Dude trying to describe Duncan: He’s got that look, you know, that … hehhhehhhehh … look..
• Wang Chung or I’ll kick your ass!
• Logan: As long as you let me throw up in your car. Trina: Of course, just like old times.

Cringe (-2)

• Sorry, but the Leo and Veronica romance continues to be cringe to me. This man is 20, he should not be going to a high school dance even if he is dressed like Don Johnson in Miami Vice. Maybe even less, in that case.
• “Manila Whore Barbie,” which is how Veronica describes her clearly Madonna-wannabe outfit (circa Crazy for You video). To me this is only a little bit cringe. It’s a funny line but I wish they’d left the Philippines out of it.

Outfit of the episode: (+1)

Manila Whore Barbie. I absolutely love how hard these kids are going at their 1980s cosplay. High, high marks to whoever did the costume design for this episode. It’s so good that the episode scores a bonus point.

Song of the episode:

I tried hard to find out what this song was but none of the song sites listed it and Shazam couldn’t identify it for me. It’s the funny little techno ditty playing while Meg crimps and sprays Veronica’s hair for the dance.

Anachronism

Hamburglar glasses. In the 1980s, McDonalds would have promotions where they gave out drinking glasses with characters printed on them. Sometimes these were popular cartoon characters (we had some Peanuts ones, and maybe a Garfield or two) and sometimes their own characters (Grimace, Hamburglar, etc.). The implication of Veronica saying “wouldn’t you like to have some glasses that don’t have the Hamburglar on them” is that the Marses are so poor they’re drinking from freebie glasses they got with Happy Meals.

Those glasses are from the early 1980s. If the Marses still had them in 2005, they should have sold them at auction. They’d probably have made more than they made from the Tom Cruz case.