Veroncia Mars, Ranked - Mid-Season Roundup

We’re halfway through season one, and here’s where the rankings stand:

First place: Pilot: 18.5
Second place: Ep 10, An Echolls Family Christmas: 17
Third place (tie): Ep 4, Wrath of Con and Ep 6, Return of the Kane: 16
Fifth place: Ep 8, Like a Virgin: 15.5
Sixth place (tie): Ep 7, The Girl Next Door and Drinking the Kool-Aid: 15
Eighth place: Ep 11, Silence of the Lamb: 13
Ninth place: Ep 5, You Think You Know Someone: 8
Tenth place: Ep 3, Meet John Smith: 7
Eleventh place: Ep 2, Credit Where Credit is Due: 6

As I mentioned back in the Drinking the Kool-Aid post, The Girl Next Door originally scored a 17 but on retrospect I decided that was much too high. It’s no An Echolls Family Christmas, I can tell you that.

Otherwise I like the way this shook out, so I guess when I made up my ranking system I did a good job of determining what makes me like an episode. If you were to ask me, before I started this process, to pick my top three of out of these episodes, this is what you’d have gotten (though I’d have put Wrath of Con ahead of Return of the Kane). Similarly, if you asked me for my bottom three… you’d get the three that Troy was in. (I love how the rankings drop off a cliff for those episodes. I sure do hate Troy!)

The Troy Effect

But what if Troy hadn’t been in those episodes? How bad were they, if you remove his negative influence? I decided to find out.

Troy’s very presence resulted in an automatic 1-point penalty; but he was also responsible for the most cringe lines so far this season.

Troy-corrected scores:

Episode 2, Credit Where Credit is Due: 11 (still a stinker)
Episode 3, Meet John Smith: 13 (respectable, tied with Silence of the Lamb)
Episode 4, Wrath of Con: 18 (that’s right, without Troy this episode would have come within half a point of the top spot)
Episode 5: You Think You Know Someone: 11 (still bad)

Interestingly, the episodes that are more Troy-centric - in which he is introduced, and in which he is dismissed - still score lowest. I can’t compensate for the poor plot quality of anything to do with Troy.

Cringe Count

Speaking of Troy-related cringe, who else put cringe marks on the board? Is Troy really the King of Cringe?

Yes, by a mile. Not a single other person earned more than one cringe point. Troy earned 12, single-handedly. Other offenders were Paris Hilton, Wanda Varner, Logan, Leo, Duncan, and that movie star bro in the Christmas episode.

Icons

And who is the most iconic icon? It probably won’t surprise you to learn that it’s Veronica, with a stellar 12 iconic lines so far this season. Think about that - she’s as iconic as Troy is cringey and we’re only halfway through the season.

Coming in second with 9 points is Logan, followed by Keith at 7 and Weevil at 6. Lilly ranked up a respectable 4 points (considering she’s dead). Cliff, Wallace and Rain all scored one iconic line.

Other Superlatives

Best outfit of forever and all time obviously goes to the “japanimated” outfit from Wrath of Con, but it’s hardly fair to include that in the competition. Barring that Fashion Moment, what’s the Outfit of the First Half of Season One?

It’s gotta be the absolutely ridiculous hat/sweatervest/miniskirt combo from Credit Where Credit is Due. Not only is it absurd in itself, but it’s also the outfit in which Veronica told Sheriff Lamb, “Smell ya later.”

And what about the most anachronistic anachronism? There were some doozies. As I’ve always maintained, this is a show written by Gen X for Millenials. I’m awarding it to the Sassy magazine reference - also, coincidentally, from Credit Where Credit is Due. Sassy is such a very specific reference - it comes from a very narrow timeframe of only 8 years, and it wasn’t even the most popular teen girl magazine of it’s era (that would have been YM, unless you were sophisticated enough for Cosmo). If Lilly had been born a decade earlier she absolutely would have been a Sassy reader, but it’s a glaring oversight to have her reading it seven years after it went out of print.

Corrections Corner

First, I’d like to apologize to my daughter for “flaming” her for not recognizing the Beatles Birthday.

Second, another apology to my daughter for doubting that Gen Z was familiar with The Outsiders. Her cousin confirmed that they do still come across that book in school.

Finally, I’d like to note for the record that my daughter’s favorite line of the entire show did not make it to “iconic line” status. It’s an exchange that takes place in episode 8, Like a Virgin, when Veronica is having Wallace take a photo of her that she will later photoshop into some Georgia scenery to trick Abel Koontz into thinking she comes from his home town.

• Wallace: Why are you holding your arms like that?
  Veronica: So that someday in your memoir you’ll describe me as “inscrutable.”

If this line had been counted, episode 8 would have been bumped into third place, knocking Wrath of Con and Return of the Kane to a tie for fourth. However, I stand by my decision. Like a Virgin is not a better episode than Wrath of Con. (Probably as good or better than Return of the Kane, though. How did that score so high? Oh right, Jane Lynch.)

Here comes the second half

I’m looking forward to the second half of season one. Will anything knock the pilot out of the top spot? (One contender springs to mind…) What majestic guest stars are waiting in the wings? And most important of all, who killed Lilly Kane?